


Hurting to Heal

by WatchforWitches



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Domestic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Post-Episode: s02e15 A Problem of Memory, Supportive Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:48:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23266495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatchforWitches/pseuds/WatchforWitches
Summary: Alec is struck again, by the fact that Magnus has lived centuries, has whole lives full of rage and fear and sadness that he would rather leave forgotten.OR Post A Problem With Memory in the aftermath of Magnus' confession of his past
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 10
Kudos: 55





	Hurting to Heal

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, I hope everyone is doing well and staying healthy! This isn't super long but I hope you enjoy it all the same! 
> 
> I'm working on a memory loss fic rn where Magnus loses his memory, it's going to be my longest fic by far for sure, I was hoping that you could all give me some input! Would you rather me post it in chapters or all as one long fic? I'm not posting any of it until its done so I know it's done, but I'd live to hear your personal preferences for longer fics (10,000 words or up is what I'm thinking) so do let me know!

Alec doesn’t know how long they stay wrapped together like this. His knee aches against the hardwood after a while of holding himself up, holding Magnus up, but he’s a trained soldier and there is frankly no way he was moving an inch of his body until Magnus wanted him to. His shoulders are still stiff, and his breathing is still laboured although it has evened out. Magnus is still uncomfortable, still hurting. Alec knows that there is only so much that words and a hug can do to fix wounds, and he’s never had a wound this large or old. He frankly cannot imagine the way Magnus feels, and he accepts that, knows that. But he will be here for Magnus in one way or another until he feels like there is less of a chasm between them. 

“I’m sorry,” Magnus murmurs lowly, pulling back from the embrace, putting his hands in his lap. 

Alec takes one of his hands instantly, shaking his head, “Don’t be. Magnus,” he waits until Magnus looks at him again, struck with the weight of his tear-stained face, “Don’t be sorry. I’m the one that’s sorry. You shouldn’t have been put through that, I should have trusted you. I should have made it easier for you to tell me.” 

Magnus shakes his head now, “No, you have made it easy Alexander. I haven’t spoken that story aloud in decades. Not to anyone since Etta, and not for hundreds of years before that. I never talk about it, unless I have to.” 

Alec is struck by this, again by the idea that there are pasts Magnus has lived that have been full of fear and anger, whole lives that he would rather forget. He supposes it’s only fair, and just because he wants to hear all the awful hurt that Magnus has seen, so he knows, so he can help, it’s not fair of him to demand Magnus dig at wounds older than Alec himself. Some things, he knows, are truly better left forgotten. “I’m still sorry.” He says then, voice small and throat dry. 

“It’s alright,” Magnus replies easily, squeezing Alec’s hand. 

“Will you come to bed with me?” Alec asks then, thumb stroking the ridges of Magnus’ knuckles. “Please?” 

Magnus nods instantly then, “Yes.” He whispers. The whole loft felt like it was a secret, the small voices and whispers passed between them something that is just for them.

“Okay,” Alec whispers as well, holding onto the softness of the moment, the unknown of everything between them still. 

They get up eventually, moments pass between them just staring in silence. Both lost in this strange place. When Alec gets up, his knee makes a popping sound, and Magnus laughs at him, jokes that maybe it's Alec who is hundreds of years old. It's so easy to fall back into something simple that Alec can't help but laugh with him. 

They waltz around each other in the bedroom and the bathroom, and meet again in bed, facing each other with their heads on the pillows. 

"Thank you for telling me," Alec says after a few more moments of happy silence. He takes Magnus' hand to his mouth and kisses the back of it softly. 

Magnus gives him a small smile, "Thank you for listening." And Alec knows what that means too. Because it was one thing to listen to someone and another thing to hear what they were saying. Alec had listened when Magnus was in Valentine's body, but he hadn't truly heard him, he let the other noise around them drown it out. He swore he would never do it again, although accepted that it was more inevitable than not.

"I love you so much," Alec tells him, "All of you. There's no part of you I don't love Magnus. There might be parts of you that you don't show me, or you don't tell me about, and that's okay I can accept that, but I love them anyways." 

Magnus blinks and his eyes are watery, he bites down on his lip and shakes his head, ruffling his hair against the pillow. "Alexander," his voice is hoarse when he speaks, and the tears start little streams down his cheeks. "I love you too. I don't know what else to say I-" he hiccups into a wet burst of tearful laughter, and then he's crying. It's quiet, but the tears are flowing down his face, wetting his pillow. 

"That's more than enough," Alec assures him, moving his hands to thumb away his tears. "We can talk about it tomorrow. You should sleep." 

Magnus sniffles and shuffles his body closer to Alec, "Will you stay with me?" He asks, voice a little uncertain.

Alec nods, if Magnus wants him here, that's where he will be. "Always." He promises.

And it's the easiest thing in the world to promise. The reality of the world outside these walls, of their relationship outside of these isolated few hours, is waiting for them. They aren't done with this particular topic, Alec knows, but that's alright. He'll stay here with Magnus, and they will figure it out, after all relationships take effort.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments/Kudos/Feedback are all welcome and greatly appreciated! Stay safe and healthy everyone! <33


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